I may have lost you, but I've got.....

I've lost you, but I've got closer to my family;

I've lost you, but I've more time to hang out with my college buddy;

I've lost you, but I've got more laughters with them;

I've lost you, but I've met more friends who care about me;

I've lost you, but I love my besties more;

I've lost you, but I've got a new study attitude;

I've lost you, but I've got a YOU who are happily-living without my existence;

I may have lost you, may have lost the largest part of my heart, may have lost tonnes of happiness, may have lost many more wonderful things in my life; but God will never take our things without giving back something to us, I've filled the lost part with other stuffs. I may be still missing you, but I've learnt to forget you, wish you happiness.

No pain, no gain. I may have lost something important, but I will definitely gain something back. :)

I shall call today as FRIENDSHIP DAY! :D

Woots~ Today is really a happy day :D Only one hour of class and one hour plus of meeting for sports and society. After a week of 8am classes, now only I can feel that I'm still alive! Hahaha. I enjoyed my breakfast before went to college, and had an hour Maths T1 test in the superb cold DK ._. Almost die frozen in the DK, with the new air-con :|

Well, I have joined the swimming club for this semester :D FINALLYYY! Bad news, the instructor is NOT HANDSOME and he's VERY COOL :\ Mr. Ian is so much better, but we still don't know about the coach :D Maybe he will be a better one! Hahaha. Swimming cap is compulsory! ARGHHH! Tak mau boleh ar? I don't wanna look weird with that stupid thingy :'( Hopefully we will really have lots of fun while swimming with all the new friends! :D

I was being very naughty in the SMS meeting, sorry Alvin and Ah Boon! Just wanna make the situation more relaxing and happy, don't be mad at me ya! :D A camp is planned in February! I'm so looking forward on that day! It was years since the last time I went camping and I'm gonna enjoy it so much :D

After the meeting, for the FIRST TIME the guys in our gang invite us for brunch (just invite, not treat :P). We were so touched! :') Hahaha, but we seriously had tonnes of fun while having our brunch, I even laughed until I lost my voice :'D Stupid lame jokes and nonsense! Every serious topic is interrupted by lame jokes, everyone laughed like HELL! Hahaha. Seriously heart the guys so much, they always can make me laugh like nobody's business! :)

The best part of the day is the 'bumping part' ! hahaha. I bumped into Chin Hong, Yeye, Ah Jane and Jamey separately in Chatime :D It's really a coincidence and this made my day! <3 Hehe :>

After all the relaxation, time to struggle again :D Gonna arrange the assignment and start doing mind map plus revision! Gogogogo! Hold on, what's for dinner? ._. Okay, Hahaha, babye! :*

It's time to wake! :D

While I'm writing this post, I'm listening to the song that I'm most afraid of 'fen shou kuai le'. I finally have the courage to play the song and tell myself the truth of all these.

This morning I've made the most wrong and worst decision, but this decision actually right to make me wake: I texted him, told him how much I miss him, told him how much I suffer in this. What he replied is what I less expected, kinda cruel :) which makes me cry so sadly, but after crying I realised, IT'S TIME TO WAKE! HE'S NO MORE YOURS! HE WILL NEVER EVER COME BACK TO YOU! NO NO NEVER! Yes, Never! I have to let go of all these, I know it's gonna be very very hard, but I have to, I can't let myself down like this anymore.

After the message, I was thinking "Why is he so cruel?" The answer I get is, no matter he is really that cruel or he just act cruel so that I can let go of him, what he did is still want me to let go, he don't want me in his life anymore, he don't want me to suffer as well. Yes, this shall be the answer. No matter I wanna show revenge or I wanna thanks him, I still have to live better, this is the only way.

Now, the hardest part for me to get used is when I wake up, the feeling of LOST is really killing, but I know, once I have get used of it, I'll be a better person, I MUST! :)

And what I really hope now is I get over all this, as well as him :) One day when we both had get over, I still hope in both of our heart, we still remember, there have been a pair of lovely couple, who have brought each other so much happiness, and made both their lives more meaningful. :)

TIME TO GET RID OF THIS DRUG ADDICT! I need all my supportive friends to standby me, to be there for me to get over this :) I must back to the one I used to be, my mom's best girl, the toughest girl in my friends' eyes! God, you too have to be there for me please.

This will be the last post I post about him, the next post I write about him shall be 'I FINALLY RECOVERED!' :) I'm looking forward to it and I know I can and I must do it.

Days without you

The second day without you, lifeless. I don't wanna do anything, don't wanna speak a word, don't wanna face anyone, what I want is just stay in my room, lie on my bed, force myself to forget everything about you.
It's really painful, the heart-broken, the heartache, they are torturing me each and every second when I'm awake. The only moment that I can feel relief is when I'm sleeping, no thinking, no pain. These two nights, I cried until I fall asleep, when I wake up, I start to weep again, I don't want to be like that but I just can't help stopping the tears. I have no mood for anything, even eating, even going to college, in these two days I only had one meal, I have no appetite at all. When is this painful life gonna stop? Two days are like 2 years for me, time pass so slow without you.
Many of them asked me 'Will you still be friend with him?' seriously, I have no clue at all, I don't know, for now I just want myself to recover from the pain. Some of them asked me 'Don't you hate him for being so cruel?' why should I? Neither him will be well right now I think. I don't hate, I don't grumble about him, I love him, but there are some questions about him still spinning in my head that I don't know how to answer 'Why can he change so fast?' 'How can he just leave like that? Without even thinking how will I be?' 'Won't you miss me after leaving me?' so many questions that will never have answer :'(
I really miss him so much, I can't live well without him! But I know he will never come back anymore :')

Goodbye Tan Teck Chun :)

Perhaps the title says everything, we've broken up, officially broken up :) Reason? Certainly not because of misunderstanding again, at least we broke up peacefully this time.

I slept very late last night, woke up very early this morning, surprisingly ya, hahaha. This time I don't cry as much as the previous two times, perhaps I'm tougher? :) But I know, and certainly my besties and buddy know, I'm acting, I'm hiding the pain. Yes, I am, this time I'm hiding very very hard, I don't let myself look at the pictures, I force myself to listen those sad songs to remind myself 'I'm no more with him', but I don't let myself to weep a tear anymore, sounds impossible but I'm trying very hard to do so.

I seriously fall too deep for him, I have too much of memories with him, too much too much. We've been to so many places, do so many things, how can I forget this, I know if I go to those places I again, they will remind me about us, I'm sure I can't stop myself from weeping with that, even in the college we have so much memories. Yes, I'm weeping again now, useless me.

God, why must my new year starts this way? I have to live without you start from this year, what left for me are tears and memories and fake laughter........ But these are worthy, at least, you're free and happy now :) perhaps this is one way to 'extricate' you. As I said, if I don't have the ability to make you happy, at least not ruin your life, so I leave even I know how sad I will be to make that decision.

Hopefully this will be the best thing for you, leaving you is the best way for you, I won't grumble a thing. One year and 10 months, it's more than enough :) Thanks for being my boy, thanks for making my life better, thanks for filling this one year and 10 months with lots of love, thanks for loving me, thanks for bringing me all the happiness and sadness, thanks for everything, really, I mean it :) Thank you so much, I cherish them so much! Boy, allow me to call you this for last time if you're reading this, I can't promise you I'll be fine after leaving you, but at least I'll try, I'll try really hard, I'll keep everything about us in a box, even our memories, they are treasure, something that can't be replace, thanks for all that. I can't believe the hug on 1st of Jan is our last one, if I knew that earlier, I won't let you leave early that day. Sorry for saying all these, I'm not trying to make you guilty. Go on with your study, with all your hardwork I know you can do very well. All the best in your study and your life, I'll always wish you the best. Again, thank you and good bye! :')