It's time to wake! :D

While I'm writing this post, I'm listening to the song that I'm most afraid of 'fen shou kuai le'. I finally have the courage to play the song and tell myself the truth of all these.

This morning I've made the most wrong and worst decision, but this decision actually right to make me wake: I texted him, told him how much I miss him, told him how much I suffer in this. What he replied is what I less expected, kinda cruel :) which makes me cry so sadly, but after crying I realised, IT'S TIME TO WAKE! HE'S NO MORE YOURS! HE WILL NEVER EVER COME BACK TO YOU! NO NO NEVER! Yes, Never! I have to let go of all these, I know it's gonna be very very hard, but I have to, I can't let myself down like this anymore.

After the message, I was thinking "Why is he so cruel?" The answer I get is, no matter he is really that cruel or he just act cruel so that I can let go of him, what he did is still want me to let go, he don't want me in his life anymore, he don't want me to suffer as well. Yes, this shall be the answer. No matter I wanna show revenge or I wanna thanks him, I still have to live better, this is the only way.

Now, the hardest part for me to get used is when I wake up, the feeling of LOST is really killing, but I know, once I have get used of it, I'll be a better person, I MUST! :)

And what I really hope now is I get over all this, as well as him :) One day when we both had get over, I still hope in both of our heart, we still remember, there have been a pair of lovely couple, who have brought each other so much happiness, and made both their lives more meaningful. :)

TIME TO GET RID OF THIS DRUG ADDICT! I need all my supportive friends to standby me, to be there for me to get over this :) I must back to the one I used to be, my mom's best girl, the toughest girl in my friends' eyes! God, you too have to be there for me please.

This will be the last post I post about him, the next post I write about him shall be 'I FINALLY RECOVERED!' :) I'm looking forward to it and I know I can and I must do it.

Days without you

The second day without you, lifeless. I don't wanna do anything, don't wanna speak a word, don't wanna face anyone, what I want is just stay in my room, lie on my bed, force myself to forget everything about you.
It's really painful, the heart-broken, the heartache, they are torturing me each and every second when I'm awake. The only moment that I can feel relief is when I'm sleeping, no thinking, no pain. These two nights, I cried until I fall asleep, when I wake up, I start to weep again, I don't want to be like that but I just can't help stopping the tears. I have no mood for anything, even eating, even going to college, in these two days I only had one meal, I have no appetite at all. When is this painful life gonna stop? Two days are like 2 years for me, time pass so slow without you.
Many of them asked me 'Will you still be friend with him?' seriously, I have no clue at all, I don't know, for now I just want myself to recover from the pain. Some of them asked me 'Don't you hate him for being so cruel?' why should I? Neither him will be well right now I think. I don't hate, I don't grumble about him, I love him, but there are some questions about him still spinning in my head that I don't know how to answer 'Why can he change so fast?' 'How can he just leave like that? Without even thinking how will I be?' 'Won't you miss me after leaving me?' so many questions that will never have answer :'(
I really miss him so much, I can't live well without him! But I know he will never come back anymore :')

Goodbye Tan Teck Chun :)

Perhaps the title says everything, we've broken up, officially broken up :) Reason? Certainly not because of misunderstanding again, at least we broke up peacefully this time.

I slept very late last night, woke up very early this morning, surprisingly ya, hahaha. This time I don't cry as much as the previous two times, perhaps I'm tougher? :) But I know, and certainly my besties and buddy know, I'm acting, I'm hiding the pain. Yes, I am, this time I'm hiding very very hard, I don't let myself look at the pictures, I force myself to listen those sad songs to remind myself 'I'm no more with him', but I don't let myself to weep a tear anymore, sounds impossible but I'm trying very hard to do so.

I seriously fall too deep for him, I have too much of memories with him, too much too much. We've been to so many places, do so many things, how can I forget this, I know if I go to those places I again, they will remind me about us, I'm sure I can't stop myself from weeping with that, even in the college we have so much memories. Yes, I'm weeping again now, useless me.

God, why must my new year starts this way? I have to live without you start from this year, what left for me are tears and memories and fake laughter........ But these are worthy, at least, you're free and happy now :) perhaps this is one way to 'extricate' you. As I said, if I don't have the ability to make you happy, at least not ruin your life, so I leave even I know how sad I will be to make that decision.

Hopefully this will be the best thing for you, leaving you is the best way for you, I won't grumble a thing. One year and 10 months, it's more than enough :) Thanks for being my boy, thanks for making my life better, thanks for filling this one year and 10 months with lots of love, thanks for loving me, thanks for bringing me all the happiness and sadness, thanks for everything, really, I mean it :) Thank you so much, I cherish them so much! Boy, allow me to call you this for last time if you're reading this, I can't promise you I'll be fine after leaving you, but at least I'll try, I'll try really hard, I'll keep everything about us in a box, even our memories, they are treasure, something that can't be replace, thanks for all that. I can't believe the hug on 1st of Jan is our last one, if I knew that earlier, I won't let you leave early that day. Sorry for saying all these, I'm not trying to make you guilty. Go on with your study, with all your hardwork I know you can do very well. All the best in your study and your life, I'll always wish you the best. Again, thank you and good bye! :')

The year of 2011

Woots ~

The year of 2011 has finally came to an end, this is really a tough year for me!

For education, it's my first year of STPM and finally I've know how difficult it is D: I've got the worst results ever in my life and my dad is damn freaking mad with that and I'm kinda grounded because of that :\ While during the holidays, I did no revision at all! :O This is really really bad, I planned to revise all the syllabus for first year, but I actually did nothing, so sad :(

I'll be having test very very soon but I guess I will fail it again :\ Presentation and assignment still havent been done yet! What did I actually do during the whole holidays?!

Yahh! I'm totally wasting of time during last year, please please, no more laziness next year, STPM is here! PLEASEEEE!

Okay, family stuff, don't know what to say, perhaps as usual, sometime close sometime not D:

Relationship, gone through so many hardships this year, it's like the toughest days for us both, basically because of our attitude :( But no one is perfect, no one suits another person completely, as long as we still loving each other, nothing will be matter, right? :) 31st of Dec is the last day of the year, I actually wanted to celebrate with you so much but I feel so guilty because you can't go celebrate with your friends, hopefully having a new year countdown with me won't be so boring :( looking forward on that day but worrying too.

Okay, Conclusion for this year: Kinda bad luck, too much laziness, should spend more time on things which are more important such as education, LESS ENTERTAINMENT PLEASE! HARDWORKING LER!

Target for next year: spend most of the time on education, try my very best to score all flat in STPM! (DO IT FOR MY MOM!) Love and cherish everyone around me :) Love God! And the most important thing is stick to the goalsssss!

God bless me, God bless everyone :) <3

>

I'm a happy girl :D

Today is a happy day! :D Have a nice gathering with friends and my darling.
Woots~ we had Korean buffet BBQ as lunch and I was served by my sayang all the time, as usual, hehe. Then we sing K! Bee Ngo, Chin Hong and I were having great fun :D Hopefully we'll have next time very soon.
The happiest moment is POOL MOMENT! :) It's first in my lifetime I play pool, it's really fun playing it, seeing others play also fun! :D Sayang taught me how to play pool, and he praised me! hehe. It's a really HAPPY DAY, and i'm a HAPPY GIRL today :) I want more pool game! <3 >

淡了

久了就淡了，
当初我们在一起的第二天，我只是随口说了一声我很喜欢惊喜你就马上为我准备了。
现在我们在一起快两年了，但无论我明示还是暗示你都是无动于衷.

Baby, please take care

Darling is currently busy with his assignment,

he wake up early in the morning, sleep later than midnight just to rush and finish up the work.

I know he is in rush to finish the work and it really get on his nerve,

I don't dare to disturb him, I always ask him to busy with his work first,

it's not that I don't want to be with him,

but I think not disturbing him is the best way to support him.

I'm in deep depression nowadays,

10% is because he got no time to accompany me as I really miss him so much,

90% is because I feel sad seeing him working so hard but I can't help him do anything.

After next Monday,

cafe will be reopening and I'll be busy helping in the kitchen until an unknown time,

when will be our next meet after tomorrow,

I don't know,

but I hope we can meet tomorrow, :(

I really miss him so much.

Baby, please take care.